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Friday, July 13, 2012
12:00 AM | Posted by Maureen | | Edit Post
It’s no secret to those who know me that I’ve been fighting a real lack of energy, with writing, with editing, with promotion – other than conventions. Good thing I really did book myself with so many conferences this spring/summer. Because that is about all I’ve had going right now.
A few months ago, I let my agent go. I really love her and wish her nothing but success, but we weren’t working together in sync. We parted friends and I dove right into the idea of sending out my own stuff, believing totally that I am my best selling point. I decided to look into self-publishing a few shorter manuscripts I had on the side and sorted my assorted projects, looking for what to go with and when.
I was on fire! Days after declaring myself independent, I sent out my first requested story, from a pitch I made at RT. A week later, the same publisher put out a call on what their editors were looking for, so I sent out another story.
At Clockwork Alchemy, I took part in three panels with Shelly Adina, who is doing quite well self-published and she offered to help me upload as soon as I’m ready. I was on a roll!
I found a freelance copyeditor and sent out the short I want to publish, we agreed on a price and that ball was in play.
Terrio went to a conference and informed me she’d heard a senior editor at Tor say she was looking for H/H on the more mature side of life… Whoohoo! Just my cup of tea!
My energy was sky high, I was looking forward to life. RomCon was on the horizon, Clockwork Alchemy was sublime. I even made it to BayCon, across the city the same weekend as Clockwork Alchemy.
Somewhere in the midst of everything, I lost my mojo. Nothing came easy when I tried to write. I was editing an older MS and finding myself appalled at the amount of work ahead of me to get this into shape… I crashed. Lost my focus, lost my drive…lost my words.
I went to Denver and kept my head high, fought against the natural inclination when I’m running scared – and trust me, I was running scared. (What if I’d lost my magic for good?) Got my first rejection on the requested short from Carina while I was in Denver. It happens, I knew that. I know that! Still stung. When I wasn’t on at RomCon, I was off. Quiet, hiding.
Thank God for the pirate hat, which seemed to flip a switch and keep me going. Finally, on the way home, I was able to open up to my husband about where I was. Terri and Sabrina knew I’ve been fighting for my writer self. Now my husband knows and I finally was honest with myself.
I am fighting for a rebirth.
Home from RomCon and still trying to figure it all out. I got the copy edit from my hired help and am pleased with her work. I met some great folks at RomCon and in three weeks, it’s all about the Nationals! And wearing my hat. My magical hat is going to RWA Nationals.
Terri and I were chatting with Sabrina a few weeks ago and Ter commented that it’s like I’ve shot my writer wad. (Good one, Bosun!)
Sad to say, I’m wondering if that is the god’s honest truth… I’ve been looking for answers and ideas, tricks and tips…maybe a good kick in the butt.
It’s been five years since I nearly died and came out of it with an attitude of total WTF-ery, nothing was going to stop me. I raised my sails, grabbed the wheel and took off to adventure across the literary seas… And I hit the doldrums. And I do not want or need another life altering kick like that first one! But…!
I don’t know what to do crew, other than just keep pushing forward with the projects I already have in motion. I’m looking to get a cover together for the self-publishing project, Foxoddness1. I’m looking for a publication date of August. Second one, Foxoddness2, in October. And I need to write and have Foxoddness3 out for December.
I have pitch appointments at the Nationals and people I’m targeting, hoping to harvest some wisdom where I can. And I get to be Terri’s plus one at her invitational events…and work hard to keep her from floating away or running away…
All I can do is all I can do!
But I’m not afraid to admit, I’m scared. I feel like I’ve lost my ship…lost my magic.
Okay, crew. Kick my ass, hug me, slap me, get me drunk and paint my tits green. How do I recover from disappointments which have torn my sails to shred and poked holes in my hull? What is your magic mojo motivational secret?