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VOICEOVER: Welcome back to Rake & Bake: Thanksgiving Special Ed…
MAYNE (interrupting): Mother of God, Ardmore, what the hell did you stuff in this turkey? I thought….
FELTON: What? Something is stuffed in the turkey? *wrinkling nose* Come to think of it, what did you oil the turkey with?
ARDMORE: It’s how we make roast bird in Scotland. We make a stuffing of oats and onions…
HOLBROOK: *wrinkling brow* Isn’t that the primary ingredient for haggis?
VILLIERS: Big haggis eater, are you? Well, takes all kinds I suppose. Live and let live, I say.
ARDMORE: That’s a Scottish proverb, actually…and the oats are really good, I assure you.
FELTON: This isn’t Thanksgiving for the National Heart’s Association. We just wanted a simple turkey. *waving hands in a general motion as if he’d rather strangle ARDMORE with them, attention is now focused on counter* Is that BABY OIL?
VILLIERS: *snorting in laughter* Well, you did say oil the bird, Felton, and I must say I’ve oiled many a bird myself with baby oil…to spectacular effect.
FELTON: *looking stupefied, sliding down the counter* There’s no way. We’ve lost. We’re going to have to watch American football.
DARBY: *pressing his handkerchief to his nose, looking quite put out* You must be jesting! Come now, Felton. Buck up, my good man, I’ve seen you….
FELTON: *reaching out and gripping DARBY’s jacket, crushing the bright velvet and shaking him* It’s impossible! It would take a Thanksgiving Miracle!
GRYFFYN: Okay, I’m finally done with the trifle! *carrying in a large crystal bowl with many colored layers* Everything a good British trifle needs. Gingerbread, custard, apples and pecans…
ARDMORE: Hey, that sounds rather promising. Come on, Felton…look… *quizzical look* What layer is that, Gryffyn? The gingerbread or the custard?
GRYFFYN: Hmm? Oh, that’s the roast beef and carrots…
HOLBROOK: That’s handy. Saves you the trouble of mixing it all on your plate, don’t you think?
FELTON: *slowly thunking his head against the counter, blank expression*
ARDMORE: You know what would have made the trifle perfect. *dramatic pause* Oats.
VOICEOVER: Will Felton receive his Thanksgiving miracle? Will anyone eat Gryffyn’s trifle? Will Ardmore become a convert to American football? Stay tuned for the final part of Rake & Bake: Special Edition. *sotto* What will the men do when Villiers starts using the baby oil inappropriately on the kitchen counter? More when we return….